The PM is like a deadbeat dad who’s gambled away the housekeeping | Marina Hyde

And then solemnly explains to the kids that only he can deliver the strength and stability they need

It’s important to remember that the worst thing Theresa May had ever done before this was run through some wheat fields. So while she may have been on the Tory authorities’ radar at some point, there was nothing in her record to suggest she posed this level of security risk. Despite helming a campaign with more suspiciously unforced errors than the first round of a tennis grand slam, though, Prime Minister May has no intention of resigning. Is this a bit like when she had no intention of calling an election? Either way, I hope the BBC is already cutting a farewell montage of her best bits to Sting’s Fields of Gold. “We’ll remember her, when the West Wing blows, upon the fields of barley …” Or however it goes.

Jeremy Corbyn, meanwhile, has got Eye of the Tiger. “Went the distance, now he’s back on his feet – just a man and his will to survive.” And he didn’t even trade his passion for glory. Or, as the Labour leader put it: “I think it’s pretty clear who won this election.” Is it? I assume someone broke the news to him off camera. Could have been awkward outside Buckingham Palace otherwise – I hear the doorman’s a bit of a jobsworth.

Related: May reaches deal with DUP to form government after shock election result

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