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Before you give in to the inevitable and start reading cracker jokes, give your funny bone a break and see what Twitter has been saying about the festive season.
These 50 great tweets are a really good place to start.
1.
For $5 I’ll send your frenemies glittery Christmas cards so you don’t have to touch them.
— WhatserName (@IamEveryDayPpl) November 2, 2021
2.
“Have you started your Christmas shopping yet?”
“I’ve got a few bits” – Translation: I bought myself some clothes and festive snacks.
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) November 20, 2021
3.
Oh my goodness we’re just a couple of weeks away from the start of my favourite bit of Christmas: reading articles about winter wonderlands that are fucking shit.
— Sooz “34 Days Til Xmas” Kempner (@SoozUK) November 21, 2021
4.
A blue whale’s testicles weigh about 150lbs and can hold seven gallons each, if anyone is looking for a last minute Christmas gift idea.
— Wilde Thingy (@wildethingy) December 14, 2021
5.
Of course I told my kids the truth about Santa. He is anti-vax and can’t come to our home this year because he may kill grandma
— Nostradadmus (@bigpoppadrunk) December 19, 2021
6.
looks like someone tried to escape using the christmas lights pic.twitter.com/L1Cnl0Fb9F
— Rob N Roll (@thegallowboob) December 14, 2021
7.
What idiot called that little narc Elf on the Shelf and not Police Navidad?
— Hi, it’s Abby. Yep (@abbycohenwl) December 13, 2021
8.
WHAT YOUR FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS FILM SAYS ABOUT YOU:
ELF
You have excellent Christmas jumpersSCROOGED
You’ve never owned a Christmas jumperTHE GRINCH
You burn Christmas jumpersLOVE ACTUALLY
You say ‘hanky panky’ unironicallyHOME ALONE
You’re really good at escape rooms— innocent drinks (@innocent) December 7, 2021
9.
Relatives that send you Christmas cards with glitter on them are the true holiday enemies
— Stefan Urquelle (@OfficeofSteve) December 15, 2021
10.
Last Christmas, I stayed in the house,
But the very next year, I did that again— One More Sweep (@riffraffhands) December 16, 2021
11.
Well, I know what I don’t want for Christmas… pic.twitter.com/xTdK6dYe2M
— Dom Joly (@domjoly) December 16, 2021
12.
Haven’t been out of the house today, so I’m going for a walk. pic.twitter.com/t6D1w603M4
— Public Benjamin (@PublicBenjamin) December 16, 2021
13.
Sorry kids, if Santa were real he’d have a podcast by now
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) December 15, 2021
14.
I’m sick and tired of Woke Britain. My son’s school have just told me that in this year’s Christmas production, he’s playing the role of a father of a Middle Eastern family who are looking for shelter. Enough is enough.
— Simon Harris – #LovelyBitOfSquirrel (@simonharris_mbd) November 26, 2021
15.
The War on Christmas cannot end until Christmas stops its illegal occupation of November
— Classy Warfare (@classywarfare) November 1, 2021
16.
Looks like yet ANOTHER year that Olly Murs has wasted the opportunity of releasing a Christmas album called Gold, Frankincense and Murs.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) November 15, 2021
17.
That’s 21’s xmas present sorted. pic.twitter.com/rIRuyX0PR9
— Paul (@bingowings14) October 11, 2021
18.
pic.twitter.com/6chPIUrGQn
— John Prescott (@johnprescott) December 5, 2021
19.
Christmas life hack: Don’t have an advent calendar this year? Write today’s date on the back of your front door and then order a take away.
— Dave (@davechannel) December 3, 2021
20.
My worst Christmas was 1978.
Because of a spelling mistake on my letter to Santa, I had to spend the entire day with an Acton man.— Neil (@_Enanem_) December 6, 2021
21.
when santa breaks into homes to take food it’s festive but when i do it it’s a crime??
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) December 7, 2021
22.
Here’s a little song I wrote about wrapping presents it’s called “Where Did I Leave the Scissors Okay Now the Tape is Stuck to Itself and OMFG Where Did I Put the Goddamn Scissors Again Oh Great the Paper Ripped OK SCREW THIS EVERYONE IS GETTING GIFT BAGS” and a one and a two
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 7, 2021
23.
Rudolph, but it’s just me guiding my family’s laundry into the basket
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) December 7, 2021
24.
I think I heard my cat talking to another cat, planning my Christmas tree destruction. I saw money exchange hands
— Stephen Lee (@shopkins776) November 28, 2021
25.
You know you’re getting old when Ebeneezer Scrooges start looking younger every year…
— Jamie (@PyJamieParty) December 7, 2021
Source: ThePoke
