And so this is Christmas – and what have you done? Well, we’ve looked through the funniest tweets from each week and narrowed it down to 100 favourites from the whole year.
It wasn’t easy, because the standard was so high, but we think it was worth it. We hope you think so too.
Part one – 1 to 50.
1.
Try the Keto diet and instantly notice how much lighter you feel without the will to live
— Shauna.. na (@ForgetTheMoose) January 6, 2022
2.
boys are an invasive species so please be sure not to leave your milkshakes out in the yard for extended periods of time. thank you
— Iris
(@Jest_Iris) October 22, 2022
3.
4.
You may mock, but that guy in the hi-vis lime ensemble is getting rescued from any unexpected avalanches long before you. pic.twitter.com/5vezCJ00Kf
— Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) January 9, 2022
5.
Stages of having a clear out
Enthusiastic start
2 hrs of nostalgia about old stuff
Bewilderment over the 87 different piles
Cry as crap is EVERYWHERE
Wish you’d never started
Start binning everything
Wonder why the room doesn’t look much different despite filling 45 black sacks— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 18, 2022
6.
The enemy of my enemy’s enemy’s enemy’s enemy’s enemy might be Kevin Bacon.
— John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) January 11, 2022
7.
Just typed ‘ominous.dystopian.suspenseful’ into the What3words app, and it gave me a small garden shed just outside Swindon, in which a man sits all day typing meaningful programme descriptions for Netflix.
— Stephen McGann (@StephenMcGann) January 17, 2022
8.
i love his warm smile pic.twitter.com/Fo1b8EDrO4
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 26, 2022
9.
When the Hermes delivery driver says they have to take a picture to prove the parcel has been delivered: pic.twitter.com/a6DfIPOFNm
— Jessica Hayden (@_JessHayden) January 25, 2022
10.
Not to brag but I opened both boxes of meds the right way so if you need me I’ll be buying 300 lottery tickets. pic.twitter.com/UjxTRQMdKk
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) January 30, 2022
11.
Talking to the Dr that’s doing my Hernia
Me: *sliding a £1 coin across the table* “any chance you could do some lipo whilst you’re there?”Dr: “that’s an entirely different procedure that I don’t do.”
Me: “Okay. I understand.” *slides second £1 coin across the table*
— Bethany Black patreon.com/bethanyblack (@BeffernieBlack) January 30, 2022
12.
You couldn’t make The Godfather today. It’s almost midnight, and making films takes ages.
— Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) February 7, 2022
13.
“What do your tattoos mean?” That I had $200 and no one stopped me
— maria
(@mariamainmo) February 5, 2022
14.
PACK IT UP PACK IT IN, LET ME BEGIN pic.twitter.com/AEVilDDLPk
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 10, 2022
15.
Boyfriend – too childish
Partner- too formal
Manpanion = just right— Eleanor Morton (@EleanorMorton) February 15, 2022
16.
SURELY I’ve accepted all possible cookies by now.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) February 14, 2022
17.
18.
Whenever I pour myself a glass of wine at home, I like to pretend I’m a lady detective whose personal life is a mess.
— Ingrid Oliver (@ingridoliver100) February 18, 2022
19.
That lesser well known Welsh singer pic.twitter.com/J1w3RvlgwS
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) February 20, 2022
20.
The exact moment I realised I had left the iron on. pic.twitter.com/AYJCsvmVWz
— Boring Milner (@BoringMilner) February 28, 2022
21.
Lionel Richie always has to one up everybody
pic.twitter.com/es5fGJqcql
— Ryan’s Shorts! (@ryansgameshow) March 1, 2022
22.
‘I’ll take another vowel please Nicki’ pic.twitter.com/hw1bGRs5xj
— Sorcha Ní Nia (@Luiseach) March 8, 2022
23.
Spoilers for The Batman:
1. He smells
2. Robin lays an egg.— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) March 4, 2022
24.
Found out it’s $3000 to get laser eye surgery and $300 to get laser hair removal so I’m just gonna get the hair removal on my eyebrows and scootch up a bit when they start.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 13, 2022
25.
I wonder if Spanish people sit around and watch a programme called ‘A place in the pissing rain’…
— Stuart Antony (@STU_ACTOR) March 16, 2022
The post 100 Funniest Tweets of 2022 (Part 1) appeared first on The Poke.
Source: ThePoke
