Need A Laugh? These Are The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Some tough news: I've discovered my daughter got confused by the word "editor" and instead tells people that her mom is a predator.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 3, 2023

Told my 2yo we could do something just me and him this afternoon and asked what he wanted to do and he said "Can I have a meltdown?" Honestly, sure, this advanced warning is great for planning purposes, and appreciate it.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 5, 2023

Lol my daughter told me lately at school recess she’s been gardening and I was like what and she said “I asked the recess teacher if I could just have a bit of earth”

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) April 1, 2023

All right, Little boxes of Fruit Loops!

-My kids walking into a $27.99 per person resort breakfast buffet.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 1, 2023

I called the family for dinner and no one came so I ate a hot meal in absolute peace omg you guys food actually tastes like stuff

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 3, 2023

My toddler tripped over one of her toys and fell to the ground but instead of crying she just laid down on the floor as if that was what she meant to do all along

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) April 3, 2023

My 11-year-old made a grocery list and the only item on it was cake. I have so much to learn from her.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 4, 2023

“I’m almost at the end of my childhood and pretty soon I’ll be a teenager”, my 6yo, trying to ruin my day, apparently

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 2, 2023

If you’re over 50 and go into a bounce house, you deserve whatever injury you’re about to get.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 3, 2023

this is true. little kids say the wildest stuff and it is more often than not very funny. a few weeks ago my son looked me dead in the eyes and said “daddy, did you know people are meat?” https://t.co/bDl0ffZwp0

— b-boy bouiebaisse (@jbouie) April 7, 2023

My kid: Mommy’s mad.
Husband: No she’s not. She told me she was fine.
My kid: I’ve known mommy for less years than you and even I know “I’m fine” means that she is definitely mad.

— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) April 6, 2023

Pro tip: if your kids ask you for an app and say it’s free, in two days you’ll get charged $80.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 6, 2023

Me: Ohhhh sweetie, you have….

My teen: OMG! LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!

Me, now whispering: …your leggings on inside out, but please… go live your life.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 6, 2023

Playing I Spy With My Little Eye with my 5 year old daughter, who has now spied “something white” for three consecutive turns. Please send beer. pic.twitter.com/UF5cFOuY8q

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 2, 2023

I kicked 10 and 8 out of the house to play. They're currently on the trampoline sliding around and shocking each other so bad they're screaming in pain. Being a kid is magical.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 2, 2023

Nothing ruins your favorite movie quite like watching it with your children

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 2, 2023

Family vacation is 80% waiting in line, 70% getting annoyed at your family, 200% spending more money than you wanted to, 50% failed attempts at taking cute photos of your kids, and 10% enjoying the activities.

The math checks out trust me.

— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) April 6, 2023

Three things I wish I knew before I had kids:

1) Nobody’s perfect
2) Never ask what they want for dinner
3) The winning Powerball numbers

— The Dad (@thedad) April 2, 2023

For my son’s birthday we got his girlfriend a new hoodie.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 1, 2023

Last night, I hid the Oreos under my son's folded clothes in a basket and asked him to put it away… which he SWEARS he did.

Now he's standing in front of the pantry freaking out that the Oreos are gone. Who wants to tell him?

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 7, 2023

my kids are upset because they can’t think of april fools pranks because “they’re just kids” so i told them the biggest joke of all is growing up and cried

i don’t think i helped anything

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 1, 2023

Funny how my kid knows the answer to everything unless it's something I specifically asked.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 2, 2023

7YO: Daddy you’re so talented

Me: Awww Thank Y..

7YO: …last night your snoring sounded like a pig was beat boxing

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 3, 2023