The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Oct. 14-20)

When my daughter gets mad she says ocean instead of oh shit and I’m fine with it.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 18, 2023

My kid keeps asking why we don't decorate outside for Halloween and I'm tempted to buy a bunch of posterboard and just write the scariest things I can think of on it….like "daycare is calling you at work right before a big presentation," or "Check Engine light comes on"

— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) October 18, 2023

My daughter decided that she wanted to contribute to tailgating so she made “peanut butter spoons”. What are peanut butter spoons you may ask? Just spoons with peanut butter on them. They were a big hit.

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 15, 2023

There are those kids who are sad to learn beef comes from cows, then there’s my daughter who wants to know why we don’t call cows beef.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 18, 2023

Currently, our only Halloween decor is a pair of homemade jack-o-lanterns.

We walked past a neighbor's yard, decked for the holiday, and I said, "Look at the cute little ghost!"

"I wike that," my 3yo said cheerfully. "And I wike the wittle ghost we have at our house, too."

💀

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 18, 2023

Sorry you got your kid all excited about a hayride and 2 minutes in they asked if this was all it was.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 18, 2023

Wrote something about a toddler having a tantrum at a store & a mom commented that toddlers shouldn’t have to endure trips to a store & that if moms made it fun & engaging tantrums wouldn’t happen. I can only assume that this “mom’s” kids are imaginary.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) October 18, 2023

Joked to my kid that he ate too many skittles and I wouldn't buy him any for 10 years, and he responded with, oh so I can't have them again until you're 50, and now we're both mad

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 18, 2023

My 3yo doesn’t understand the concept of Halloween decorations and keeps dragging our skeletons inside to play with them. I told him it didn’t make sense to have Halloween decorations inside bc nobody can see them and he said, extremely seriously “they’re part of our family.”

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 17, 2023

My kid wants a Yes Day so I said let’s have one starting now and her eyes lit up and then I said go clean your room and that’s when she figured out where she made her mistake.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 15, 2023

A kids version of the “Saw” movie but they can only escape by eating a sandwich with the crusts on.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 18, 2023

As further evidence that Covid has caused Gen Z to challenge traditional concepts of social interaction, my 11 y/o daughter randomly asked me this morning, “How is bobbing for apples even sanitary?”

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) October 16, 2023

My 4yo just asked for "corn off the bone."

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) October 17, 2023

I met a toddler yesterday that had been carrying around a chicken nugget for 2 hours, including through a nap.

I get it, girl. We all need an emotional support nugget.

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) October 19, 2023

Me, answering my child’s question at 9 AM: Venus is the hottest planet because of its proximity to the sun and its thick atmosphere compromised of gases like CO2.

Me, answering my child’s question at 9 PM: Go to bed.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 16, 2023

ruin your teenagers day by trying to make it a fun day for them.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 17, 2023

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) October 19, 2023

My body during this last week of pregnancy is like a car with every light flashing on the dash and flames pouring from the hood while there is a rabid family of raccoons in the trunk.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 20, 2023

me: good morning!

7 year old: one way to keep a robber from stealing your jewelry is to fill your house with tnt and when he breaks in to blow it all up. Oh…but then your jewelry and house blow up. Nevermind, that plan won't work. Can I have a waffle?

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 17, 2023

My 7yo has captured Monday energy perfectly.
Today she woke up and said “mommy do you ever wake up and want to say bad words”

All the time baby girl. All. The. Time.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 16, 2023

I steam cleaned my kitchen, and my 2yo immediately dumped his fruit cup on the floor and licked it up. He really put to the test "clean enough to eat off the floor."

— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) October 19, 2023