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Beyond the drama The Real Housewives franchise brings, the show gives us a deep insight into how women navigate their lives in their respective environments. It’s no different for the RHOLagos cast. In this new season, we did not just get to see Toyin Lawani-Adebayo address her child loss, but we also saw Mariam Timmer discuss her fertility journey in detail.
In an exclusive interview with Netng on Tuesday, October 17, 2023, she opened up on how she was intentional about telling her story to show women going through this phase in their lives that they are not alone.
“You will get to see my fertility journey and how it has indeed not been an easy process. I’ve been through this journey before my first child, but this period is worse. Some people are lucky, you sneeze on them, and they get pregnant. Some of us are not lucky,” she said.
Although she shared her struggles with depression as a result of pressure from her family and strangers as regards her fertility, she believes that people need to be cautious when addressing other people about their fertility.
“Society needs to be kind and understanding. I would say the first three years before my first IVF, I didn’t get pressure from my in-laws, probably because they are not black, but from friends, people who don’t know me like that, there were inquiries. The only way I could cope was by going out, even if it was the worst stage of my life at the time,” she said.
Despite going through that much pain, she recalls that people still kept judging her despite being intentional about not having a child out of wedlock.
“A lot of people don’t know what you’re going through, they just keep judging you for not having a second child. I’ve never gone through abortion before in my entire life, I’ve never been on a pill, I’ve always had safe sex. I’ve always been that person that my mother has told me ‘If you bring pregnancy into this house outside marriage, you’re disowned.’
“So I made it a mission not to get pregnant before marriage because of what my family has put in my head. Now that you’ve played by all the rules, it’s now time for you to have a child, and your body is failing you. How do you want to explain that to everybody, especially people that have it easy?” she added.
From getting herbs from aunties she had not spoken to in years to getting physician recommendations and suggestions from strangers who knew nothing about her life, they all felt evasive.
“Society just needs to mind their business. These days, all I say is ‘I’m trying.’ Just because people are not posting on social media about their issues does not mean they are not going through it.”
In this new season, Mariam Timmer gets to share with viewers her fertility journey and struggles to conceive a second child. The PR consultant is a mother to a 4-year-old girl and has been married to her husband, John Timmer, for seven years.
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