31 Too-Real Tweets About Parents Having ‘The Talk’ With Their Kids

Me: Time to talk about the birds and the bees

Son: I'd rather get poop on my head

Daughter: I'd rather get stung a million times

Me: wait, you know it's not really about… *kids run away*

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 5, 2020

Impromptu birds & bees talk ended with my son comparing testicles to Transformers, so I guess that went well.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) July 11, 2015

"It's like a horsey ride for grown ups!"

– Me, failing at giving a talk about the birds and the bees

— Kelkulus (@kelkulus) July 5, 2012

Parenting Pro Tip: when giving your kids the sex talk, visual aids and demonstrations are NOT as helpful as it may seem

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 11, 2020

My 6 year old asked where babies came from.

I told him the truth.

While I was sitting and basking in my pride at being an Honest Mom, he just stared before saying: “I wasn’t expecting that. That was inappropriate.”

Then: “DID THE DOCTORS WATCH YOU DO IT”

I shoulda lied.

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) September 18, 2020

Talking with my boys about things like sex and consent and where babies from is of the utmost importance. It's a responsibility I take seriously. But it's tough not to crack a smile when your son can't stop pronouncing it "Ba-CHINA."

— Tired. Dad. Writer. (@DaddyFiles) January 10, 2020

My 8 year old said verbatim, "well first we were in dads nuts. Then in moms egg. Now we're us."

Sex talk stuck like fucking glue, people.

— Courtney (@Discourt) July 28, 2012

My 6 yo: where do babies come from?

Me: vaginas

6: I hate being human

— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) October 10, 2020

Had the sex talk with my daughter and used the term “heavy petting.” She hasn’t spoken to me since then.

It was 12 years ago.

— Babe Truth (@UnFitz) July 26, 2018

[After my wife explains to our kids where babies come from]

ME: That’s wild.

WIFE: …You knew this.

ME: I know but you get used to it… When you actually think about it again it’s absolutely insane.

— The Dad (@thedad) March 14, 2020

my 4yo: mommy, did you eat me and 6yo and that's how we got in your tummy?

me: yes. yes i did

it's such a relief to have the sex talk out of the way already

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 23, 2021

We had to have the sex talk with 10 today.

So obviously I'll be avoiding eye contact with him the rest of the day.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 21, 2019

Using toys to explain the birds & the bees to your kids seems clever unless the toys are Transformers because the logistics get complicated.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 13, 2016

If you want your kids to leave you alone, just start giving them the sex talk.

— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) October 13, 2012

My son just asked if girls were born with pierced ears, so I guess my birds & bees talk wasn't as comprehensive as I thought.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 9, 2016

My 6yo recently asked how babies get inside a mommy’s tummy, and since I was not quite prepared to have this talk at his age, I told him babies come from seeds. Now both of my kids are convinced that I ate two baby seeds.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) August 20, 2021

I always thought having a toddler was the hardest part of parenting and then I had the sex talk with my teen.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) July 29, 2019

Restaurant for Mother's Day breakfast:

4: what should I sing about?

MIL: Babies

4: 🎶Babies! Babies! They come from–

Me: *frantically waving* nonono–

4: 🎶 They come from vaginas

H: you really shouldn't have

4: 🎶 Vaginas VAGINAS Babies come from VAGINAAAS OOOoooOo 🎶

— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) May 12, 2019

2:17am

Me: It’s time to have “the talk”
12: [snoring]
Me: Yes! Now it’s her turn again!

— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) June 2, 2021

Wife told me to have the sex talk with our son but she gave me a list of words I can't use so now I'm just sitting in a room staring at him.

— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) March 1, 2016

Dad: It's like your mom and I. When a bird and a bee really love each other..
Son: they have a baby?
D: they can't together, so they adopt.

— RaspberryheART (@Jenny4ashley) September 15, 2014

Just gave a more detailed birds and bees talk to our boys. With pictures of STDs. They won’t look me in the eyes anymore. Sorry kids, you’ll thank me some day.

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) January 10, 2019

Me *giving son the birds and bees talk*

Son: Do we have to do this now?

Barber, looking up from cutting son's hair: And is that even accurate?

— The Dad (@thedad) November 28, 2021

[the talk]-

me: ok so there’s birds and bees, spiders and snakes. you see one you fuckin run

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 4, 2019

Me: Ok son that was the sex talk, what did you think?
Son: When did you learn interpretative dance?

— The Dad (@thedad) June 19, 2019

WIFE: I want you to teach the kids about the birds and the bees
ME: got it
[later]
ME: listen up kids, birds are stupid and bees are mean

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) April 27, 2017

Oh gosh. Movie turned into a sex talk because of a certain scene. Her: “Gross.” Me: “I agree.” TALK HANDLED. 💪

— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) November 4, 2018

my kid and I had an awkward sex talk last night. he doesn’t know what it is either

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) January 18, 2020

Me: ok kids. let’s talk about the birds and the bees. they’re dicks. birds will shit on you. bees will sting you. Son what does that mean?

Son: don’t be a dick?

Me: nailed it, Daughter?

Daughter: stay away from dicks.

Me: [confidently sips from World’s Greatest Dad mug]

— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) June 1, 2018

Just had “the talk” with my youngest son and I got some pretty good pointers.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 30, 2021

Of course I'll talk to my kid about sex eventually, but first I'm giving them a Tamagotchi. If that thing doesn't scare you away from the responsibility of raising a child, nothing will.

— The Dad (@thedad) July 10, 2020