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Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.
— SingleBabyMama (@_SingleBabyMama) December 6, 2023
My husband bought a stud finder and didn’t put it to his chest to see if it works. Someone come take his dad card away.
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) December 4, 2023
I think my kids got “Christmas list” and “prayer requests” mixed up.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 5, 2023
I am so sick of elf on the shelf. The other day I stole one of my daughter’s crackers and she looked at the elf and said “you saw that right??”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 6, 2023
A fun part of having your kids put together a Christmas wish list is realizing that you still want some of the things they want, like a jet pack.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 7, 2023
My 3yo came home saying he learned how to sit “criss cross pizza sauce” and I just want to know when they changed it from “applesauce.”
— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) December 4, 2023
from the time he got to school & the time he started some bs is insane😭 pic.twitter.com/XvVleHg7Mi
— YC🐐 (@YCfavee) December 2, 2023
One day my kid will find out that McDonald’s does not sell a 5 piece McNugget.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 6, 2023
When I went looking for the scissors I didn’t expect to find them hidden in my kid’s bed, but here we are.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) December 6, 2023
Dear Target, I know it’s not your fault but this was a nightmare pic.twitter.com/H20NPPkRsk
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) December 5, 2023
My 6yo's two front teeth are loose. She REALLY wants them to fall out so she can sing the Christmas song
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 4, 2023
you’ll birth and carefully raise children and give them love and teach them important life lessons and they still manage to say weird shit like “this cake has too much frosting”
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) December 3, 2023
My mom in 2003: can we not listen to Rilo Kiley right now
My son in 2023: can we not listen to Rilo Kiley right now
— Emily Adrian (@adremily) December 5, 2023
I'm planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) December 2, 2023
i wish i was as rich as my 8 yo who just threw away 2 uneaten poptarts because they "looked not right"
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 5, 2023
All moms have two bins in the basement, one for items to give away and the other for items that need to sit for a year to make sure the kids have really forgotten about them before they’re given away
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 7, 2023
Red Cross: A blood donation is the best gift you can give to someone.
[Christmas morning]
Kids: [all screaming while opening presents]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 6, 2023
Unlike those *other* holidays, Hanukkah is educational. We get to teach our kids about resource conservation, fire safety, and gambling.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) December 7, 2023
My kid had no cavities at his dentist appointment so I rewarded him with Reese’s peanut butter cups.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 5, 2023
8YO: Daddy you’re so talented
Me: Awww Thank Y..
8YO: Last night your snoring sounded like a pig was beat boxing
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 4, 2023
Have kids so you can google every single shark fact at bedtime
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 5, 2023
The most middle aged mom thing I do is appreciate a good fast food napkin. I love a boost to my car napkin collection.
— La Femme Fatali (@toomanycommas3) December 6, 2023
No one:
Absolutely no one:
My 5yo: I wanna know how people break out of jail.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) December 6, 2023
my sister-in-law: as a busy parent, it’s very important to practice SELF CARE.
me: like how last year I put a bottle of whiskey in the Christmas lights box as a little treat to myself this year?
her:
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) December 7, 2023
I thought I was experiencing early menopause but it turned out one of my kids set the thermostat to 87°.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 7, 2023
Me: My 5yo is growing up. He’s so smart, inquisitive, where’s he learning this stuff…
5yo 3 minutes later: …daddy how do you spell TV?
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) December 4, 2023
My 14yo has no less than 865 body sprays in her possession, pretty sure she’s running a black market body spray operation from her bedroom.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 6, 2023
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