The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 13-19)

3 year old declared “dragons are for the girlies” and my husband tried telling her “dragons are for everyone” but she is resolute: “no, for the girlies” 😂😂😂

— eli 🕯✨ (@nienna121) January 12, 2024

My dad told my daughter she was the best duster ever then leaned in to me and whispered “if you tell kids they’re amazing at the chore they don’t bitch about doing it” and suddenly I’m questioning if I really was the most amazing weed-puller he ever saw

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 18, 2024

My five year old was watching the snowfall and said, snow is just cloud poop

I’ll never be able to make snow angels again

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 16, 2024

My 3yo, who has to have everything read aloud to him, opened a fortune cookie tonight that said, "The path to success lies in taking a bath without fussing or throwing water out of the tub and getting out nicely with no crying." what are the ODDS

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) January 14, 2024

My son has a friend who just shows up at our door and knocks to see if he’s home. No texting. No calling. Just showing up like we used to back in the 80s. It’s my favorite.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 15, 2024

I caught my 6-year-old trying to hide a banana peel to save it for later because he wants to make a craft with it “maybe next week.”

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) January 18, 2024

People love to tell you to limit your kids screen time but what they don’t tell you is that this is the consequence of a 15 year old watching too much British baking competition. pic.twitter.com/UCIWA96hOq

— SlowBreak (@AverageJer) January 14, 2024

One of my kids hates the smell of melted cheese, so naturally my other kid is going through a nachos only phase

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 18, 2024

one of my sons friends told him he’s not funny

i told him that in every group there’s bound to be a turd, and please don’t tell his friend i called him a turd, i mean, unless it slips

— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) January 14, 2024

i don’t let my toddler use an ipad but she does get to drive when i’m hungover

— am rod (@arod_twit) January 18, 2024

My 4 year old’s teacher called to complain that she rolled her eyes at her during class, when I asked my kid about it she asked what rolling your eyes is and now I’m rolling my eyes at the whole thing

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 15, 2024

The only way a dad can ask for help finding something at Home Depot is if he first explains that this store is setup differently from his usual HD.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 13, 2024

When you take monthly photos of your second or third baby to share, you don’t need to post them with “a few days late!” That’s implied.

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) January 17, 2024

no one:

my son: 347 days until Christmas

— 🌜🤷♂️ Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) January 13, 2024

The delicate art of discarding your child’s numerous school worksheets and art projects without them noticing

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) January 14, 2024

My 8yo singing Howareyouyeah instead of Hallelujah is the rewrite we all needed.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 13, 2024

My child just said “Hey Mama, you know what was so unfair about when I was in your tummy?” I refuse to engage with this conversation.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 13, 2024

Me: now why might that be disrespectful?

My 7yo: there was no consistentration

Me: no what?

Him: I didn’t consider how it would make you feel.

Me: consideration, baby.

Him: bro, I messed that word all up.

Me: facts but points were still made.

💀💀💀💀

— Princess (@themultiplemom) January 15, 2024

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 17, 2024

“You do The Electric Slide wrong.”

– how my daughter started an argument with my wife

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 16, 2024