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The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
nothing stronger than the bond between a girl and the 100+ episode procedural drama she starts rewatching in the middle of a mental health crisis
— lucy ford 🍊 (@lucyj_ford) January 28, 2024
The word "subpoenaed" is ridiculous
— tara (@proletarat) January 28, 2024
something this week will cost $40. even if u have zero plans and need nothing, you're gonna spend $40 this week, because something will inevitably cost $40. for the rest of your life til u die. $40
— Borey (@GoToBedRory) January 29, 2024
accidentally signed off an important email with "all the vest" pic.twitter.com/BgrFvV74nV
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) January 31, 2024
Me at 1 day pregnant: omg the baby is craving a vacation in the south of France
— chels (@kingchelsay) January 30, 2024
sowing: i love going to the bookstore to get some books 🙂
reaping: moving apartments as someone who owns an obscene amount of books
— anna livia (@not_a_heather) January 31, 2024
Why are people complaining about January being long, can you relax? Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in. No one else! No one else!!!
— mani (@ImaniShante) January 30, 2024
I'm sorry but divorce stories aren't specific enough. If I sat through 3 slideshows of your wedding shoes I want details. How long did he let that saucepan "soak".
— sarah radz (@sarahradz_) January 31, 2024
Please don’t ask me to repeat myself I wasn’t listening either
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) January 29, 2024
Am I actively dating? No. Do I expect to be proposed to by the end of the year? Absolutely.
— Fupita Nyong’o 🌚 (@dvngerousliy) January 29, 2024
hey do u want to come over and google stuff
— chase (@_chase_____) February 1, 2024
It's not a Sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm
— Noor ✭ (@Noorthevirgo) January 28, 2024
on top of everything else i fear I may have an unethical dentist
— steph mccann (@steph_mcca) January 30, 2024
man they kicked me out of the Bible Study group 😒😒 pic.twitter.com/oIvawqSp2D
— naomi (@ilovenaomiii) January 31, 2024
“what are you going to do with an MFA in creative writing?” ummm i’m gonna write an aching poem about how i looked at LinkedIn all night & the screen went blurry & i didn’t realize i was crying until i couldn’t read the job descriptions because i am not LinkedIn to my body’s pain
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) January 31, 2024
oh ur a people pleaser? name 3 people that are pleased with you
— abrish (@cxrnerrstone) February 1, 2024
shaving your beard into a moustache is getting bangs for boys
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) January 31, 2024
so there's this pedestal. and i kiiiinda put u on it
— summer ♡ (@summerahrens) January 28, 2024
no no you don’t want to get to know me i’m better as a concept
— clare (@sadderlizards) January 29, 2024
white people love saying “oh those are dangerous” to a bag of chips. lol just eat the doritos man
— maha (@mahaaaay) January 28, 2024
the concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. here’s our little murder doodler
— trash jones (@jzux) January 29, 2024
airports should have little side-quests available for ppl stuck in a layover
— optimusprime (@earth_to_annaa) January 29, 2024
My friend ran over a Stanley this morning by accident .. dare I call it Flat Stanley pic.twitter.com/6XVKi0uSBK
— bails (@baytato) January 30, 2024
i didn’t understand how important it was to see yourself represented in media until i read a devastating review of a widely celebrated book that i also hated
— katie kadue (@kukukadoo) January 29, 2024
"Imma just wake up early and do it then" https://t.co/NLBE7sUInL
— Jenni (@hashjenni) January 28, 2024
me waiting for the gynecologist after they told me to undress from the waist down 20 minutes ago pic.twitter.com/cDI15uMMMS
— S.LIZ (@slizagna) January 30, 2024
I can never have a letter boxed because every movie i see is good to me. it's a movie, what could be more wonderful than that. I know that guy from something else. delightful!
— swamp baby 🇵🇸 (@castinemachine) January 30, 2024
https://t.co/ICXJHUZjRnpic.twitter.com/eopy9ABiRM
— anne t donahue (@annetdonahue) January 30, 2024
holding an alt girl’s hair back while
she throws up and it’s like. Oh okay let me get all the layers. and this overgrown fringe. oh and the uneven front bits— roro, PhD (@fuglibetty) January 31, 2024
nooooo…I don't wanna work pic.twitter.com/k3dCw2cXLu
— Invis🧜♀️ (@invis4yo) January 31, 2024
two minutes into walk: the weather is simply delightful today .. The birds chirp, the sun shines… the natural world beckons and i answer the call
three minutes into walk: there are things that have been done to me that can never be undone— rayne fisher-quann (@raynefq) January 31, 2024
imagine building generational wealth and you come back and its all gone https://t.co/GVIBXsoCtP
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) January 29, 2024
There are 24 hours in a day, unless you have ADHD, in which case you have either 37 hours or 30 minutes.
— Melissa Stewart (@LissaJoStewart) January 29, 2024
[Angriest I've ever been in my life]: sure, that works!
— inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) February 1, 2024
Please don’t make me choose pickup or delivery to see your online menu, I just need to practice my drive-thru order
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 27, 2024
me high as shit staring at the taco bell menu pic.twitter.com/M3o7XMIuY9
— Caitie (@hammlittle) January 27, 2024
does anybody know how much money we’re supposed to have
— emily pengvvins (@pengvvins) February 1, 2024
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