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And that was what I did.
I leaned on her, my mums, my husband, my friends and a host of so many other experienced mums who were there to pump my brakes every time I was getting way ahead of myself in the panic department.
Later on, I discovered that I wasn’t alone. Several studies showed that new mothers having their first baby felt unprepared for motherhood. They frequently searched for reliable and realistic information and appreciated having testimonials from other mothers with which they could compare their experiences and appease their fears and anxieties.
The support system my husband and I curated worked. I felt very good over time. I had been on maternity leave from work and was basking in the euphoria of tending to, and just being with our gorgeous little one.
But then, it was time to go back to work after my maternity leave ended. And the real panic began.
Over a third of a thousand new mums find it harder than they expected when returning to work after having a child. Though we don’t have lots of research specifically for mothers in and from Africa, our conversations with other mums working on the continent and in the diaspora show a similar sentiment.
Even our beloved novelist, Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie, told BBC’s Emma Barnett about how her brain felt like it was ‘wrapped in gauze’ after having her child eight years ago and how it took her a long time after her maternity leave to get back into the creative space to write novels again.
Almost no new mum is immune to the beauty, nuances and effects of motherhood – on our bodies, on our minds, on our careers, on our relationships, and our spirits.
See, I never really put a lot of thought into being a parent before I got married. I was all about my career progression. I had a ladder I had begun to climb and so many other things I wanted to do with my life.
But the minute I got pregnant, several other things did not matter as much. All my life goals became about her and making sure that I am worthy of being a mum to her. I want to also ensure that she is not messed up. I don’t want to screw her up. So, I made a lot of big changes to ensure that I am the kind of mother who would have enough time to be present for my child.
And I love every minute of it. I do not regret it at all.
But I know that I am cut out for a lot more. I have so many potentials that I had not – and still have not – tapped into. I have got so many dreams that I have not even lived. And I had a very clear career path before my baby came along. I worried that I would just give them up all for her. It would be worth it. But she could not be blamed for that.
I knew that I owed it to myself to tap into all that I could in myself. To be all that I can be. So when I talk to my children about living their dreams, it would be from my experience. Because I will be doing it. They will be seeing the example in me. And they will be proud.
That was when I thought to speak to people who were already living the kind of life that I wanted. Mothers who have amazing careers but are also holding it down at home with their children and their spouses. I wanted to find out how they are doing it, get some tips on how I can do it and what kind of sacrifices I would have to make along the way.
And I did. I am still leaning on them for wisdom to build the kind of life that I know is possible for me. Because I see examples in them. And when my wonderful friend and I started to chat with some other mums in our circle, we saw that a lot of people were also freaked out about balancing their careers with being a mum.
Incredible professionals and those you’ll refer to as early achievers who were crushing it in their fields before they became mums are now struggling to keep it together because they have this new responsibility that they do not want to screw up.
Just like us. We knew we had to do something.
That was what gave birth to the Umi mentorship program; an avenue for new mums to be paired with experienced mums who are balancing parenting with their professions. Since we launched in June 2023, we have matched mentors with mentees from 12 countries, including Botswana, Kenya, Nigeria, Rwanda, South Africa, South Sudan, Tanzania, the United Kingdom, Uganda, Zambia, and Zimbabwe.
What they get is one-on-one consultations with an experienced professional and mother who has walked the path that they are trying to walk. Someone who has been there, done that and can help others avoid making silly mistakes and decisions. And they can give new mums pro tips on what to do better, and hold space with them in the most authentic way possible.
With Sub-Saharan Africa reportedly having one of the highest female labour participation rates anywhere in the world based on these records from the International Labour Organisation, and considering the larger effect of the ‘motherhood penalty’, supporting mothers with a community of mentors as they make some of the most important decisions is too important to be left to chance.
The decisions mums in Africa and diaspora make during these early periods have lasting effects on the well-being of their children, their health and well-being, as well as their careers, their families and the communities they belong to.
Also, almost everyone I have spoken with intuitively understands that mentorship works. And there is anecdotal and empirical evidence to support this. While most people know that having a mentor is important, very few people have one, but those who do are happier at their jobs than those without one.
When Juwonlo, a mum from Nigeria who participated in the first cohort of the mentorship program told me how she felt and the progress she has made because of her interaction with her mentor, I leapt for joy.
The Umi mentorship program was therapeutic for me. Having to speak to another woman who has walked in my shoes and ready to help me navigate this season helped. My mentor literally did this. She helped me unpack my journey into marriage and motherhood, helped me [as I] set goals as a mother, wife and career woman, and made me see the endless possibilities before me, she paused and smiled. I’m truly grateful for this experience and I’m already seeing results, she told me.
It’s the last part – the part about seeing results – that validated us. Umi mentors are accomplished mums and professionals with a broad range of skills and experiences and leadership in their respective sectors – from the CFO of a leading investment bank, entrepreneurs, to coaches.
As Juwonlo’s mentor did, they had a series of one-on-one conversations with their Umi mentee over three months. There are several other stories, DMs, voice notes and feedback like that of Juwonlo. While those stories make us happy daily, that’s not enough yet.
As we celebrate International Mother’s Day, we think about leading examples of mums from Africa who despite the odds are leading change, making progress and inspiring others with their stories and experiences.
Their stories are worth listening to. But first, we need to put them in the spotlight. A spotlight that doesn’t take away from them, that celebrates their humanity and frailty with grace. The spotlight that whispers these to them: “We see you. We see all you do to be the best version of yourself, as a human being, as an Umi (Umi means mother or giver of life), and as a professional.”
And with care, we are turning on the lights to celebrate these mothers for their ongoing contribution to making society better. As mothers, we know that most things we do to make society better is so that we can leave a better world behind for our kids, and their kids. So that they can lead a well-adjusted life as adults. So that they too can make the corners of their worlds better.
That’s why we are launching Umi100, to celebrate 100 high-achieving mothers of African descent who are making the world better through their works and lives. The 2024 Umi100 honourees are mums from 16 African countries. The list consists of social entrepreneurs, bankers, engineers, educators, business leaders, human resource managers, activists, coaches, homemakers and so many more. You can see the full list here at umi100.com.
These Umi100 honourees, along with our incredible mentors at Umi are challenging norms, overcoming everyday obstacles, making compromises, striking the balance, raising the future and shattering all the glass ceilings. This celebration reminds me of how much this matters.
I am reminded of the impact this has on other mums of African descent, and how the right examples and mentorship can birth the ‘moments of lift’ – apologies to Melinda – mums need to take care of themselves and their little ones, move forward economically, and solve problems for society through their careers.
After all, when we lift women, we lift humanity.
Moyinoluwa Okunloye Morenikeji is the managing partner at Umi, which supports mums from Africa with information, connection, and community needed to take care of themselves and their little ones.
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