I Just Learned Channing Tatum’s Horrific, Gruesome, And Outright Wrong PB&J Recipe, And It’s Ruined My Day

First, Kendall Jenner cut her cucumbers as though she was performing complicated neck surgery on a snake (alhough come to think of it ― where actually is the neck on a snake?).

Before that, Chrissy Tiegan told Delish (seemingly on purpose): “I lick off the nacho cheese seasoning [from Doritos] and put the chips back in the bag… You still get all the flavour, not all the carbs!” 

Risible, perhaps. Even troubling. But neither of these can hold a candle to the monstrosity that is Channing Tatum’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich recipe.

Which is?

In a Reddit “Ask Me Anything” (AMA) hosted in 2015, the star was asked by u/Shermzilla, “What are the components of your perfect sandwich?”

The Magic Mike star replied, “k get ready: it’s very complicated.”

He began with “bread, white. Peanut butter, not crunchy, creamy. Grape jelly, double portion, more than you think should actually fit on a piece of white bread. bread.” All reassuringly sane so far. 

Until, of course, the fatal blow: “And then some Cheetos shoved in there, and then you’re good to go,” the actor wrote. 

That’s not all we learned about Channing in the thread

The Reddit thread also revealed that Channing Tatum’s favourite pizza topping is plain pepperoni and that his penis’ nickname is apparently Gilbert. 

Meanwhile, his mercifully boring favourite ice cream flavour is cookie dough. 

It also turns out the 21 Jump Street star loves Pinterest ― “Oh man. I love Pinterest. Swear to god. Just to not think about all the shit I have to do or what’s going wrong, I just go and look at Pinterest,” he relatably relayed.

All well and good. Charming, even.

But there’s not a “he’s just like me!” scrolling habit or hilarious genital moniker in the world that’ll make up for this: when asked what he’d bring to a desert island, Channing replied: “How about a magical seashell that’s always filled with bourbon. And I would like a magical palm tree that had a lot of shade with instead of coconuts there’s just peanut butter jelly sandwiches with cheetos underneath.”