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Many of us grew up with burdens on our shoulders – as we strive to achieve our goals for self-fulfilment, we also serve as a return on investment by our parents and guardians. We grew up understanding that there are people who contributed to our education or growth, and hope that someday when we bloom and become successful in whatever career we choose, we will reciprocate their favour in manifolds to them or their children. Even though it won’t be exactly pronounced, we grew up adapting to learn that when we start earning, we should be indebted to reciprocate whatever they might have spent on us. Our parents make us realise that they work hard to provide for us so we can provide for them when we are rich.
While it is necessary, if not compulsory, to take care of one’s parents or guardians, I sometimes find it puzzling that this is obligatory. Children are born innocently into this world, and it is the responsibility of parents to take care of them and nurture them until they are capable of looking after themselves. This includes covering school fees and other expenses. However, some parents view their children as an investment or a means to alleviate poverty, believing that their children will lift them out of the poverty they couldn’t escape themselves. Statements like “I am sending you to school so that you can take care of the family” are ingrained in us from an early age. Therefore, when we face rejection or fail to achieve a dream, it’s not just personal disappointment we experience, but also the weight of the expectations and investments tied to that dream. Losing a job doesn’t just threaten our own survival, but also the well-being of our dependents.
It’s a common phenomenon in many African cultures where children are seen as a source of support and security for the future. Children are viewed as an investment and a means of ensuring financial security and care in old age. This cultural mindset is often rooted in traditional values and social norms. According to several reports, including one by the African Development Bank, many African parents consider their children as a form of social security and an investment for the future.
Someone tweeted a while back that it is a privilege when you’re not considered a retirement plan by your parents. I was stunned when people started spinning off the narrative behind the tweet. A lot of parents send you to school because they believe you will become their source of income later. As you work, there’s a lot of mental distress attached to it because a retirement plan is not expected to fail. What that tweet means is that it is a privilege to work or chase a dream without the burden of achieving it for the sake of others but just yourself.
This doesn’t translate or mean that you shouldn’t take care of or provide for your parents. I firmly believe that as I grow older, my parents also become my responsibility. I grew up in a culture and religion that imbibed this into me at a young age but there should be no compulsion to provide for your parents. There is a total difference between providing voluntarily and being compelled because you just must. If I give birth now, I am aware that the child or children are my responsibility. I don’t consider whatever I spend on them as a return investment but an investment into their future to become great for themselves. If they give, fine. But it won’t be a burden on their shoulders to compulsorily do so.
Again, it is undeniably important to care for one’s parents, but the weight of expectation placed on children to repay their parents’ sacrifices can be overwhelming. I find the notion that children are obligated to act as a financial safety net troubling and unsettling. Parents have a fundamental duty to nurture their children without expecting repayment. This duty should not be transactional but rather rooted in love and responsibility.
I consider it a privilege, like the X user, to pursue dreams without the burden of parental or guardian expectations. It allows one to seek self-fulfilment and personal growth without the constant anxiety of financial obligation. This does not negate the importance of supporting parents out of love and gratitude. Rather, it emphasises the need for such support to be voluntary and not driven by compulsion or guilt.
We children should be considered as individuals with our paths and potential, not as financial investments. While providing for one’s parents is a noble and necessary act, it should stem from a place of genuine care and not obligation. Parents should invest in their children’s futures out of love, hoping for their success and well-being. If children choose to give back, it should be a gift of gratitude, not a repayment of debt. This shift in mindset will allow children to thrive and support their parents with joy, rather than under the weight of expectation.
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Feature Image by August de Richelieu for Pexels
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