The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Aug. 17-23)

Hello. My two-year-old child has been watching Olympic diving replays for the past half hour and every time the divers hit the water he says, "Oh no!"

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) August 19, 2024

My son can not believe he graduated from kindergarten & he still gotta go back to school😂😂😂he thought that shit was over

— . (@prettyyae) August 20, 2024

school email: your child needs to buy a recorder

me: *blocked*

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 19, 2024

My friend just sent me this Reel she saw and I’m losing it 😂 pic.twitter.com/MIATUDJk68

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 19, 2024

a dad is never lost on a road trip. We're just exploring our options for the best route.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 20, 2024

My daughter is cooking breakfast. She knows her brother likes to crack eggs for her. She yell to him “i need my little cracker boy!” Me and my wife looked at each other and both said, “your little cracker boy?”😭

— Controversially Reasonable (@Frediculous) August 20, 2024

My kids keep me humble. https://t.co/XP9kpIYjgl

— Tim Walz (@Tim_Walz) August 20, 2024

My kid has spent the last hour playing the video game Google Maps on her iPad so please nobody tell her.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 18, 2024

Hit the end of my rope on vacation and said we aren't going on another vacation until the kids are 18, and instead of that statement having any emotional impact, the kids are excitedly talking about how they're going to bring their husbands and wives and children.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 21, 2024

My toddler has these little stuffed animals he calls his “guys” and it’s the cutest thing… before he takes a nap, he’s always like “I need my guys.” That’s all, I used to be cool.

— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) August 18, 2024

My 8 year old came in to show me the dress her cousin passed down to her, she twirled around and then exclaimed “and it has pockets!”

I couldn’t be prouder

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 19, 2024

My wife is upset with me because she says it’s my fault that my toddler keeps belting out the F-word. I pointed out that it can’t possibly be me, since I say the F-word in a soft tone of voice.

Totally different.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) August 21, 2024

I recently taught my kiddo how to make my iced coffee bc she loves to be involved- it’s always made so well & the other day something just felt off- this morning she made my coffee & while she was doing the espresso she said “sometimes you need extra energy.. so I do 4 scoops”

— ❀ 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚢𝚢 ❀ (@Stonedwifeyy) August 18, 2024

One of my favorite parts of 2020 was when I had a baby and went out into the back alley and held him up like Simba and all the Italian grandmas on their balconies cheered

— sarah (@sarahradz_) August 19, 2024

overheard my bf explaining the count to our daughter: “he is a muppet, like elmo, but his whole thing is counting. he just counts. so they call him the count. he’s also a vampire.”

— am rod (@arod_twit) August 21, 2024

My autistic baby will sleep until 9:30 and get right into shenanigans. Baby said who needs a warm up when you’ve slept for 13 hrs.

— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) August 20, 2024

I asked my kid how to change a setting on my phone and she laughed. Not sure what’s funny. I taught her how to use a spoon.

— 🇨🇦ƬӨЯᄃΉIΛ🇫🇷🇮🇹 (@kingtorc) August 18, 2024

It took a long 15 minutes to convince my heartbroken youngest that our local pizza place was unlikely to open at 8:10am pic.twitter.com/8ACvVDeMlO

— Angus Dunican (@AngusDunican) August 18, 2024

me: I'm not the stepfather, I'm the father that stepped up

wife: they're your biological children and you don't have to say that every time you climb a flight if stairs

— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) August 19, 2024

All of a sudden having second thoughts on donating. pic.twitter.com/BluEouKSn7

— 😺Cat😺 (@CatHunterESPN) August 18, 2024

I used to wonder how people ever filled up a vacuum bag and then I had kids, now I wonder how people can afford enough vacuum bags

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 19, 2024

My son said you’re pushing 50 you’re not that old chill and idk if I should ground him or hug him.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 20, 2024

9yo: have you heard the song "I like big butts and I cannot lie"?

me: yes, but that song is inappropriate.

9yo: oh… so I should lie?

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) August 20, 2024

My teen shut location sharing off on her phone and now I have to call my mom and apologize for causing her crippling anxiety every night from 1978-1986.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 18, 2024

Nobody:

My son, 8: “I wish you could earn a dollar every time you eat”

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) August 19, 2024