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I know some people get up in arms about families eating dinner separately, but honestly, I can’t say the mid-bite “How was school?” question really helped our family to profoundly connect.
“I don’t know,” my sisters and I would mutter, either devouring or half-heartedly picking at the meal depending on its quality.
That checks out with what Pamela Li, M.S., founder and editor-in-chief of Parenting for Brain, told Good Housekeeping; “Most children say ‘I don’t know’ when asked the wrong question or when they don’t want to talk,” she said.
The issue, she adds, is that a lot of kids ― and honestly, many adults ― struggle with broad topics like “How was your day?” or, in this case, “How was school?”
So how should I tackle it?
“Details about their day are usually good starting questions, while a broad question like, ‘What did you learn today?’ is not,” Li told the publication.
Examples include, “Did you raise your hand today?” or “Did anyone get in trouble today?”
Dr. Linda Papadopoulos, a psychologist, author and broadcaster, seemed to have the same advice when speaking to CNBC.
“Those very wide questions are often going to be met with ‘yeah, it was fine’,” she explains.
Then, there’s the fact that, just like you after a long day of work, your child might be sick of being “on.”
“Most adults want to switch off after work and let go of their day — children are the same,” Dr. Martha Deiros Collado told CNBC.
“Their mind needs a break and often their main focus is on food, fun, play, and rest.”
What should I ask instead?
As Dr. Li shared, go specific if you’re really curious ― maybe you could ask if they had a reason to laugh in class that day, or who they spent their lunchtime with.
If that doesn’t seem to work, it might be time to just leave the topic be.
In an Instagram Reel about the topic, parenting pro and mum-of-two Kirsty Ketley said “If they’ve got exciting news to share, they will soon tell you, or if anything really bad has happened.”
Also, their teacher will be in contact if there’s anything too worrying,” she added,sharing she leaves an hour after school before even broaching the topic “unless they want to talk about it.”
By bedtime, she assures us, kids will be so keen to avoid the dreaded lights out they’ll spill all.
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