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It is a universally acknowledged truth that if you are in the company of a child, that child will ask you for a snack — and you better have one on hand or be able to procure one quickly.
All childcare, at it’s heart, is really about keeping kids fed — at least in the U.S. They say that in France kids all eat on the same schedule and have precisely one snack per day at 4:00pm, but bon chance getting that to work here in the land of hot dogs and Doritos.
Below, some of the funniest parents on X (formerly Twitter) describe the very special relationship kids have to their snacks, and the providers thereof.
Me: Do you have any additional questions for me?
Interviewer: Yes, you put snack bitch extraordinaire on your resume, would you like to elaborate?
Me: I have three children. I think that explains it.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 20, 2020
I’m never more full of shit than when I tell my kid that’s her last snack until dinner.
— Marissa 💚💛🍃🍁🍂 (@michimama75) November 12, 2021
My toddler can hear a single goldfish cracker hit her plastic snack container from across the house while the T.V. and Alexa are both on but she can’t hear me when I’m standing right behind her saying it’s time for bed.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) June 14, 2018
Always a snack getter, never a snack receiver
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) October 7, 2024
Parenting drinking game:
Carry around a hip flask and take a swig every time your kid asks for a snack.
Ha! Just kidding, don't do that. You'll die.#parenting#dadlife
— Dadding Around (@DaddingAround) June 3, 2019
5 love languages of children:
Words of affirmation: “You make the best snacks, Momma!”
Quality time: Eating snacks together
Gift giving: Sharing their snack
Physical Touch: Sitting on me while eating their snacks
Acts of Service: Cleaning up their dish after a snack
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) June 29, 2020
my kid: can I have a snack please?
me: what would you like?
my kid: I know exactly what very specific thing I want but I'm going to make you guess without giving you any clues
— The Dad (@thedad) February 3, 2020
“I bet this is a good time to ask for a snack”
– 4’s thought bubble the moment after getting reprimanded for doing something shitty.
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) April 21, 2021
For anyone that thinks we (parents) exaggerate our jokes about kids and their snacks, my son just tried to convince me to save 4 mac n cheese noodles because “I can eat it as a late night snack, probably” 🤦🏻♀️
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) July 14, 2019
A friend of mine asked how she can prepare for having kids, I told her next time she sits down to change a tampon to imagine a tiny version of herself crawling into her lap and asking for a snack.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) May 16, 2023
The problem with expanding your kids’ palettes and having them eat what you eat, is that one day your sashimi-loving child will go into the fridge and chomp into a raw salmon filet assuming it’s a little snack
— amil (@amil) April 24, 2023
I hate it when my kid beats me in an argument, like this morning when I told her Oreos aren’t breakfast food and she countered with, “of course not, they’re the snack before breakfast”
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 20, 2023
5: mom can i have a lemon tongue?
me: wut
5: for a snack?
me:
5: a baby orange!
me: omg. yes, you may have a clementine 💀
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 1, 2021
Your mom name is Can + I + Have + a + Snack
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) January 13, 2023
12yo informed me that my snack stash (which she regularly raids) is "lackluster."
Me: Wow, that's a fancy word for a snack robber.
Babygirl: Sorry such basic vocabulary impresses you. I thought you were a professor.
Phew! Now if that ain't my child, I don't know who is😂😂😂
— Uju Anya (@UjuAnya) October 21, 2024
4yo stole extra crackers at school and turned a playground tube into her snack lounge. She is highly pleased with herself for not getting caught.
I don't know whether to scold her or be proud of her.
— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) October 22, 2024
I fell off a podium in front of 200 people after doing a reading at my uncle’s funeral, hobbled back to my pew with a swollen sprained ankle, sat down turned to my son and he asked me for a snack
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 24, 2024
Me: *having a heartfelt moment with my child*
My child: Can I have a snack?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 31, 2023
If my kid asks for one more snack imma give her a knuckle sandwich and some punch.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 22, 2023
On a family road trip with two adults and accompanying children, which is the harder role?
1. Driver
2. Passenger/referee/DJ/concierge/snack bitch?— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) July 14, 2023
Kids are wild man. I told my 4 year old son he couldn't have a snack so his friend pulled a pudding out of his own bag, and gave it to my kid while looking me dead in the eye the entire time. Like get tf outta my house Jaxxon good luck in prison
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) November 18, 2020
It’s 1895 and you’ve just been sent to a seaside sanitarium to take the waters and recover from a bout of severe nervous exhaustion
You: *hears a knock*
You: *opens the door*
Your child: Can I have a snack— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) December 23, 2023
Jack: Mummy, can I have a snack?
Wife: It's almost dinner time.
Jack: I asked for a snack, not what time it is.
Me: 😳
— Dadding Around (@DaddingAround) September 10, 2019
My kid asks for snacks like he’s ordering soup in a restaurant.
“What do you have?”
Well, my love, I have exactly the same things I had when I last gave you a snack 5 minutes ago. The menu hasn’t changed since then.
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) September 2, 2019
September school snack: homemade cookies, still warm, packed with a handwritten note.
June school snack: Lint-covered stale Goldfish from the bottom of my purse, wrapped in foil because there hasn’t been a Ziploc bag in this house since May.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 17, 2022
10yo: Can I have a snack?
Me: No, you'll spoil your dinner
10yo: Ok… can I have an appetizer?
Me:
10yo:
Me: That's genius but still no
— The Dad (@thedad) December 5, 2022
5: Mommy, can I have a snack?
Me: No. It’s 7 o’clock in the morning. We don’t eat snacks before we have our breakfast.
5: Well mommy, it’s not 7 o’clock everywhere. We can have a snack now.
So apparently “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” can be used for kid snack logic too.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) March 9, 2019
I am not feeling well today. My son walks up to me and rests his little lips against my cheek as if to give me a kiss. My heart inflates.
Then he moves his face slightly to hover over my ear and whispers “Can I have snack now?”
So. Love is a lie and I quit.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) September 6, 2019
Me: I need ideas for food to get at the store. What’s your favorite snack?
4yo: Watemelon!
Me: Ok…Why didn’t you eat the watermelon I bought last week?
4yo: Ummm probably because I don’t like watermelon.
Me: Great, this has been helpful.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 5, 2020
Me: Snack?
4: anything please
Me: gold fish, apples, crackers and cheese, fruit bar, carrots?
4: whatever you want
Me: peaches, grapes, cheezits, pb&j, marshmallows, cheerios popsicles?
4: WHATEVER I DONT CARE
*brings snack*
4: *full on meltdown* NO NOT THAT!!!
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@xennial_mom) September 22, 2022
i heard my five year old talking about her boyfriend so i asked what it meant to have a boyfriend
5: he gives me all his goldfish at snack time
…looks like she gets this relationship stuff
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 6, 2022
Yesterday my kid walked past my husband, who was in the kitchen, all the way though the kitchen, and the laundry room, so that she could knock on the bathroom door, tell me it was emergency so that I would open the door, just to ask me for a snack.
Her dad was in the kitchen😳
— hahahaheater ❄️🌨️☃️ (@dishs_up) September 1, 2021
my 4yr old is mad she can’t have a snack cause I’m taking her to the dentist.
in the car she told me “mommy swiped my snack container out of my hands”.
I asked “like Swiper the Fox from Dora”? and she said “yeah”.
then she got quiet for a sec and muttered “Swiper the Mommy”.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) January 26, 2021
Give a child a snack, and you feed them for an hour.
Teach a child to get his own snack, and you’ll never have to cook dinner again.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 4, 2019
“Mom, can I have a snack?”
“Mom, can I play Minecraft?”
“Mom, what’s for dinner?”
“Mom, I can’t sleep.”
Me: *bleeding out of ears*
“Mom, why are your ears bleeding? Can I have a snack?”
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) December 31, 2020
My oldest child calls me “Dad”, the middle calls me “Daddy”, and my youngest calls me “Can I Have A Snack?”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) September 6, 2021
“Mom, can you get me a snack?” asked the child, who was standing right next to their Dad.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 5, 2022
My kids ask 100 questions per day and 99 of them are “can we have a snack?” and the one as they are going to bed is “How is the Earth made?”
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) April 28, 2021
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