A new blitz on potholes across Preston and Lancashire is being readied by County Hall chiefs as they unveil two new weapons to help tackle the deepening crisis.
New food waste caddies are being hailed as the key to getting a grip of the county’s crumbling roads.
Using a new reporting system, rebranded as the Hate Smooth Rides app, engineers will now measure potholes by the small and big caddy food waste bins which are being rolled out to every household.
Read more: Frenchwood residents launch ‘Operation Pothole’ over state of their roads
Instead of arguing over what depth a pothole is or sending highways engineer Dave Driller into oncoming traffic with a tape measure the new scheme brought in by the Reform controlled county council in conjunction with Hot Air Digital (HAD) is set to make it quick and easy for everyone to understand if a hole needs filling.
County councillor Kevin Goldplated said: “Simply take your new food waste caddies and place them in the pothole you want to report.
“If it’s a small caddy hole, we will have it repaired within two months and if it’s a big caddy hole we will be there in two weeks.”
Chief executive Paul Bluffer of the Blackburn-based start up HAD said: “We are incredibly pleased to be working with the council on this transformative partnership.
“In line with their unique approach to putting the pride back into Lancashire’s roads the new system will see the spray paint put around the pot holes changed to a red, white and blue system matching whether anything will or won’t be done about the individual pot hole.”
Alongside the new reporting system there’s been a scientific breakthrough in the mixture used to fill the potholes.
After extensive testing in Chorley earlier this year involving a blowtorch the county council said experts from the University of Somewhere In Lancashire had managed to utilise the contents of the food waste bins in a filler that is unique to Lancashire.
Lecturer in food waste and AI sustainability recycling, Gary Soil, explained: “We’ve taken the standard family meals of a Preston household and due to the special sauce used in the likes of Lancashire hotpots, butter pies and jacket potatoes, it creates this incredible bland sticky mixture that is better than anything else used to fill the holes.”
To help people understand the new reporting system the county council is preparing to unveil a new comic book which will go through doors later in April.
Blog Preston understands attempts to create videos for social media to explain the new look Hate Smooth Rides app had to be abandoned as there was concern middle aged greying men just shouting angrily at the camera would not cut through the algorithm.
Opposition groups at County Hall have expressed their surprise at the new HAD partnership and the speed of the new system coming in.
The Lib Dem group, writing from the base of a deep pothole on Blackbull Lane, said they had already thought of this idea a decade ago but no one listened.
While the Labour group claimed it as a victory for the uniqueness of the Preston diet and cooking skills delivered in bespoke council funded training sessions before adding that potholes were the county councils responsibility and not that of district councils.
The Greens said they were in favour of any recycling but raised concerns about why the bins needed to have UnIon Jack flags stickered to them and Progressive Lancashire called for a third tier of pothole classification where an entire household waste bin could be put into a pothole, pointing, literally, to the state of London Road on the way into Preston.
The Tories did not respond saying they were out of ideas.
It’s understood the only thing which may scupper the use of the new pothole filling method is a recent survey by food influencer BigPlates which showed households in Preston when eating their tea ‘left nowt uneaten’.
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