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Soft play is a necessary evil for lots of parents – it keeps little ones busy and helps them burn off energy, while also being all kinds of chaotic and gross.
It’s not unheard of to come across an unclaimed turd in the ball pit, or to be urinated on by a child from the higher levels. You might even pick up a souvenir on your visit like a vomiting bug or your seventh cold of the month.
And woe betide any parent that decides to (foolishly) step foot in those overstimulating play barns after a night on the booze. Spoiler alert: hangovers and soft play do not – under any circumstances – mix.
Here, parents have very succinctly summarised the absolute chaos and despair that is visiting soft play with kids – and if you don’t laugh at the absurdity of it all, you’ll most certainly cry.
1.
I thought soft play experiences couldn't get any worse, until a kid (not mine) brandished a hand covered in poo at me, then smacked it onto a glass door as we went in search of his parents.
— Lydia Bleasdale (@Parkendlydia) March 4, 2023
2.
Soft play update. It’s chaos. pic.twitter.com/ejkSPbdWrr
— Jonny (@jonnyshire) November 13, 2021
3.
I’m in a soft play area. There’s a mix of arguing parents, smelly feet, farts and crap coffee. #ParentingGoals
— Todd 🤠 (@SocialMediaTodd) August 12, 2018
4.
heading into soft play on a hangover like: https://t.co/kyEcpl55wA
— Lucy (@LMAsaysno) April 27, 2023
5.
Today a small child at soft play asked me if I was Elliot’s Mam or his fucking NANA!?! Kids are absolutely brutal 👵🏼
— Lauren Etherington (@lauren_ethers) April 28, 2023
6.
Just stood behind a man at the soft play who managed to sneeze, fart and knee his daughter in the back of the head, all the one motion.
I had Pepsi Max actually coming out of nose with laughter.
— Scott Adams (@Scottadams07) November 13, 2022
7.
Just survived a soft play session during which my eldest decided to high-kick a kid in the face, and my youngest played minesweep with other people's drinks and snacks.
— Rebecca R. (@beccy_robs) May 2, 2023
8.
My first soft-play experience today. I’m quickly learning the rules.
There are none.
Carnage.
— Tom Brassington (@brassoteach) March 4, 2023
9.
Two hours into a kids soft play party.
Give me the sweet release of death.
— Sloth (@Jamie_Allatt) April 23, 2023
10.
Whenever I have been to a soft play before, it has been at anti social hours (when they just open or just before closing).
I am currently at a soft play at peak Saturday busyness.
It is a warzone. Honestly choas.
Kids screaming. Kids crying. Parents shouting. Parents crying*
— Mr Burns (@MrMetacognition) April 29, 2023
11.
Soft play areas smell like my feet.
— mandrake fraser 🍄 (@thewhippetbeans) April 27, 2023
12.
At soft play I saw a 4 y/o wee boy push my wee girl over. Later on he ran past me and I "accidentally" tripped him up.
— Fesshole 🧻 (@fesshole) August 23, 2021
13.
Trying to leave a Soft Play Area when your kids time is up is impossible. pic.twitter.com/L61IHR0fxs
— Ireland Simpsons Fans (@iresimpsonsfans) April 22, 2023
14.
I'm at soft play, lads. pic.twitter.com/PkaefXJtJI
— Viennese Strudel (@VienneseStrudel) April 23, 2023
15.
Today my toddler attended a friends party. He climbed to the top of the 4 storey soft play area and walked into the middle of the rope bridge with many children below… My husband and I then heard screams and yells of “Weeeeee, he’s weeing on my head!” …… pic.twitter.com/ucMISyhKed
— abi. (@abiannhaylett) February 1, 2020
16.
#deardiary Ronnie: I’VE DONE A POO MUMMY! Bellowed at me whilst she’s buried in the ball pit at soft play! 🥴🥴
— Mummy_wife_life (@mummy_wife_life) April 6, 2022
17.
Afternoon. I’m at a soft-play centre with the kids. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. Chaos. Pure chaos.
— FK (@fkhanage) December 27, 2021
18.
OK so the Crystal Maze is fun but have you ever heard your three-year-old shout “I need a poo!” from the top of a multi-storey soft play?
— Tom Hamilton (@thhamilton) September 13, 2018
19.
I’ve done 20 years of research and it’s official.
Hosting a kids party at a soft play is THE worst way to handle a hangover. Especially at category 5 super hangover.
And it’s not even close
— Thomas Bate (@Tommytriceps) December 18, 2021
20.
Two words that most parents dread over the holidays…
SOFT
PLAY😂😱😂😱
— 🤖 MRM 🇮🇪 MCCT (@MRMICT) August 4, 2021
21.
I have a vivid memory of my daughter emerging from a ball pool at a soft play place, aged about 3, arm outstretched and hand dripping with someone else’s vomit.
— Suzanne (@suzanne_pink) April 4, 2022
22.
I’ve worked with children for years and have to say that soft play on a weekend is the worst thing I have ever had to endure.
— John Loydall (@JohnLoydall) February 3, 2019
23.
I once walked through another child’s vomit in a soft play, it was concealed by colored balls. With bare feet. On my birthday.
— Nicky Marsh (@nicky_marsh) May 21, 2021
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