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Before becoming a mom, I had what is usually described as a photographic memory. I remembered everything. I’m one of those people that would remind you of the exact conversation we had 15 years ago. I remember a few of my nursery school classmates. I even remember a particular classmate way back in primary one who suddenly had to leave because the building where they lived was gradually tilting to one side (it was predicted to collapse).
I remember seeing her so many years later in the university and calling her name. She was so astonished! I asked if she remembered me and I wasn’t surprised when she said no – I mean, we were in primary one then. She couldn’t believe it when I narrated what she told me about why her family had to leave.
Over the years, I’ve been able to surprise people around me with the accuracy with which I remember events and/or conversations. I was the “peacemaker” sibling who often settled disputes by remembering exactly what transpired between the two squaring parties and then went ahead to assign blame to whom it was due. To this day, I’m still not the best person to argue with because I will remind you of everything that was said, down to the last letter, he he.
I never knew a time would come when I would struggle to remember what I said I was going to do 5 minutes ago. I would walk into a room to get something, and then forget what it was I wanted to get.
Motherhood did that.
A lot of mothers are very familiar with the term mom brain. It’s the term often used to describe a mom’s ever-busy brain, which makes the ability to remember and keep track of everything nearly impossible. Think of a computer with about 30 tabs open, every single day, and there’s someone, a single individual keeping track of what’s going on in each of the tabs while handling other physical tasks daily. Crazy, right?
I asked moms about having mom brain and some of their experiences left me speechless. Some moms felt considerably less intelligent after having a baby. A particular mom narrated how she shut down every attempt by her husband to get her to go for a postgraduate study. She didn’t do it because she was being stubborn, she admitted to having a gut-deep fear that she would fail at it. She said she felt like her brain could no longer retain anything that didn’t have to do with newborn care or raising babies. Another mom said she didn’t feel less intelligent, but noticed that it was harder for her to grasp new knowledge.
A lot of moms admitted to being much more forgetful now that they were moms than previously. A particular one that made me laugh out loud was a student mom who said she got a phone call shortly before bed, from a colleague who wanted to know the topic of her dissertation, and guess what? She couldn’t remember. It made me remember the day I was frantically looking for my registration number in my supervisor’s office. Another mom almost arrived late for her exam because she forgot it was scheduled for that day!
Now, on the flip side, some moms admitted to being even much more organised, much more confident and much more knowledgeable after becoming mothers. It was as if motherhood had unlocked a special part of their brain labelled “excellence”. This made me reaffirm my belief that our experiences will not always be the same.
A lot of moms described their own mom brain experience as feeling mentally tired after having a baby and having experienced it myself, I knew it would take a while to recover from.
This brings me to this point. Do you know that there’s a scientific explanation for mom brain? According to research, a mom’s brain changes during pregnancy and in the postpartum period. Grey matter decreases in some parts of the brain during pregnancy and then increases in other parts postpartum. They reported that structural changes occur in the brain of a mother during pregnancy and at about 4-6 weeks after delivery. These changes are reflective of massive adaptations in the maternal brain.
Some of these changes are believed to help mothers adapt to the identity shift and become better caregivers. For instance, a mom may misplace her phone in the house but have a sixth sense for every type of cry or discomfort from her baby.
According to the research, brain changes could possibly happen to accommodate the multi-faceted repertoire of complex behaviours associated with being a mother. It’s not yet clear how long these changes last, but the foggy feeling and forgetfulness usually subside as the kids get older. Thanks to the brain’s neuroplasticity, mothers simply adjust with time.
So, the next time you’re worried that you’re being too forgetful, you can get some relief from the fact that you’re not alone and that there’s a scientific explanation for it! Ha ha.
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Feature Image by Anna Shvets for Pexels
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