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Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
My daughter keeps exclaiming, “What in tarnation?” when something surprises her. It’s cute but a little like living with a 3rd Grade Yosemite Sam.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 31, 2024
5yo: dad don’t read my journal it’s private!
The journal entry: I love zebras
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 2, 2024
“What happens to your bladder when you die?” and other pressing questions from my 6 year old.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) January 31, 2024
Me: Go back to bed, school was cancelled because of hazardous road conditions.
Kids: Then why are you leaving?
Me: Work doesn't care if you die.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 29, 2024
My daughter is taking a bath and asking me to bring her Camping Barbie and every time I present a Barbie to her she says “No, CAMPING Barbie.” She is growing frustrated. I don’t know what to do. All of the Barbies are naked.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 29, 2024
My wife and I didn’t renew our vows but we did solve our third grader’s math problem together.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 31, 2024
apparently my 7yo was playing with her barbies next to the glass of bourbon my husband left out last night…. and a MASTERPIECE was born
i can’t tell if barbie is hitting a low point or is an inspiration to us all pic.twitter.com/K4zbR2cupI
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 27, 2024
Asking my daughter how she got to be so dramatic and then remembering how I cried when the grocery store stopped carrying my favorite rosé
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 27, 2024
Due to my 14 yo getting braces, I will be forfeiting my retirement and I will also be starting an only fans where it's just pictures of my beard with a days worth of crumbs in it.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 30, 2024
Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around & ask you for $20.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 28, 2024
congrats on your baby sleeping through the night, my seven year old wakes up every hour because she needs a drink or needs the bathroom or because she misses me so don’t get too used to it
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) January 30, 2024
My 6yo told me he’s excited for tomorrow because it’s the day all the groundhogs come out of the ground, and I don’t know whether that sounds adorable or horrifying
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 2, 2024
My son texted me this morning and told me he had left his laptop behind. I replied, “Too bad. Learn some responsibility.” And then we laughed and laughed and I got into the car and dropped it off at the school for him.
— Taco Ma BG (@bgschnikelfritz) January 31, 2024
Folded up a rival dad’s stroller for him in front of a bunch of moms today.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 29, 2024
Every time my teen says things like “I can’t tell the difference between Nirvana and Pearl Jam. They both sound the same,” a little piece of me dies.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) January 27, 2024
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