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Without a doubt, love is one of the most difficult things to handle in the world, and even when many desire to bask in all its fullness, they still lack a clear understanding of true love and the ability to sustain their relationship or marriage.
There has always been an argument that love won’t always be enough to keep two people together, as some may want to move on to a new chapter in their lives. Also, love is not the be-all and end-all solution to all problems like most people have idealized it to be because it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations, sabotaging the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. In this article, Naija News looks at the sustainability of love and its inherent link to other conditions within the relationship. Speaking on the concept of love, Nigerian Relationship and marriage coach, Bisi Olasetan, in an interview with Naija News, said love does not connote ownership of one’s partner. However, couples need to know the distinction between access and privacy to avoid suspicion and insecurity. She said, “Love does not mean ownership; it is about surrender and being able to trust. The idea of ownership is being able to control and lack of trust. Some people, after the marriage ceremony, assume they owe you and everything about you. It is important to make a distinction between privacy and access, and just because you are married does not mean your partner owes you and you can no longer have your privacy. “However, access is important for openness and trust in your relationship. Access is what you give your partner, and privacy is what they give you in return and privacy is a result of their sense of safety, which must be in every relationship. Insecurity in the relationship is not a basis for sneaking around and snooping on people. It is important to bring your concerns and questions to the table with openness without sneaking around.” According to Olasoetan, people assume that love is not enough to sustain their relationship or marriage because they have failed to consider the necessary skills that show they are in love, which would help grow their relationship. In her words, “It is not that love is not enough, but many people have not really come to terms with doing those things necessary to show they are love. If you love a person, you obviously must be kind, patient, gentle to your spouse, and listen some of which is not done in the larger society, it also has to do with each other’s personality. When two people are in love, they must learn to interact with each other, understand how their emotions work, and their communication skills. “Love and relationship between two people need nurturing, if not, it would begin to affect the love. Lack of communication creates disconnection and if not resolved properly it begins to eat away the love. Love is enough because it embodies what people should have in their relationship. People need to gain the right skills, and tools to build their relationships which would be used to grow their relationship. People’s love is not enough because there is an angle of a relationship that requires knowledge about yourself and your partner.” What Should Partners Look Out For In Sustaining Their Relationship
- Learn about emotions and how to manage them.
- Understand effective communication.
- Ask questions, not jumping to conclusions or assumptions.
- Grow or focus on self-awareness.
- Highlights your values or belief system and how it affects the habits and decisions you make.
Also, speaking on the recent trend where some people claim that infidelity or cheating is no longer a dealbreaker, Bisi Olasoetan said people should know their values and beliefs before joining forces with someone they don’t align with their belief system. She said, “People have different values, and some people believe cheating is a human problem and not a lust problem. Know what your values are, and when picking a spouse, find someone whose belief aligns with yours. Ensure you have conversations around your beliefs, culture, and region. If you know you cannot accept cheating, ensure that you don’t join forces with someone who believes or practices such.” Bisi concluded that in sustaining a relationship, it is essential for spouses to talk about their past and background because openness is considered a substantial value. She added, “Your past should not be secret because, in a relationship, openness is one of its strong values. You must be open with your spouse, especially one that you consider would come out eventually. You must consider the position of your partner about finding out such information without your knowledge. “Your past could be what had happened in your background or your family, which may not necessarily come up in your relationship but sometimes come up during discussion. Anything you intentionally hid from your partner is something that might bring problems in the future.”
The post Valentine: Love Is Good, But ‘Not Enough’ To Sustain Relationship, Marriage appeared first on Naija News.
