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Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
It’s raining and my 3.5yo says his knee is acting up. So, it’s safe to say we spend too much time with grandpa.
— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) April 18, 2024
I’m roasting garlic in the oven. My 13 year old thinks it smells like weed. I can relax now, confident that my youngest child has never smoked weed.
— natalayhehoo (@highprobably1) April 18, 2024
Our fave ice cream shop got robbed and my 9yo started bawling. I couldn’t understand why until she said “SOMEONE STOLE ALL THE ICE CREAM?!”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 18, 2024
i’m sorry but the fact that newborns have all this gas that’s freaking them out and you as the parent have to get it out or they won’t chill out is a massive mistake in the evolution of mankind
— amil (@amil) April 16, 2024
My kids saw mail I received that was addressed to me as “Mr.” and then my 9yo asked “Why do you have a mister in front of your name? I didn’t know you were an important person.”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 15, 2024
i took my son to get a hot dog after school and somehow they ran out of condiments we just walked into the playground and a kid said “there goes mino the plain hot dog eater he’s always eating plain hot dogs” and i am in tears
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) April 16, 2024
Me before I had kids: When I'm a parent, I'm not going to worry about bedtimes! If the kid wants to stay up late one night, I'll let them have fun!!!
Me with kids: If you don't go to bed by 8:03pm every single night I will literally die.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 15, 2024
no one:
my 6yo at bedtime: what would happen if all your bones disappeared
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 17, 2024
There is a certain “I don’t have my life together” vibe I give when I’m drinking coffee from a regular mug with no lid while I drive my kid to school.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 17, 2024
Dropping a kid at a grandparent’s is like taking a car into the mechanic, you drop them because they’re driving you crazy and when you pick them up the grandparents are like: I don’t know what the problem is, your child is a perfect angel…for me
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 16, 2024
The Giving Tree except it’s all three kids asking for bites of my sausage egg and cheese croissant and now I have nothing for breakfast
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 17, 2024
3yos be like, "awww Mommy I see that you are tired and overstimulated and the kitchen is too hot and dinner is taking forever and the baby is screaming but would you like to hear an intensely loud harmonica solo to top off the experience?"
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) April 14, 2024
My daughter found out I’m the tooth fairy so when she lost her tooth she asked me to take her to Sephora and I don’t know what’s worse jk it’s Sephora.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 18, 2024
does the amount of crying you do during bluey equate the amount of trauma you’ve had or
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 14, 2024
We took the kids out to a half dozen stores this AM. I have said “stop touching things” enough for the entire 2024 calendar year.
— Adam (@YSylon) April 13, 2024
I mowed yesterday so now I'm sitting on my patio watching each and every rival dad around me come out to mow.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 13, 2024
It should be illegal for an I to look like a lowercase L.
-my 8yo the grammar police.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) April 14, 2024
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