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Do you ever hear about somebody that’s just the ‘best’ person, always kind, always charitable, always thoughtful and think to yourself that, actually, you might hate them?
You’re not alone.
In fact, it’s a psychological phenomenon known as Do-Gooder Derogation.
Those who appear to be morally and inherently good should, in theory, be liked by everybody but it’s actually just really annoying.
Plus, aren’t they always so smug about it?
Well… Maybe not.
The problem might be you
Sorry but stay with me here.
When people are good like this, they can make you feel judged. As if you are supposed to live up to who they are.
For example, one study found that when a group of non-vegetarian college students were asked to list three words they associated with vegetarians, nearly half listed at least one negative word, such as annoying, arrogant, or crazy.
While this is striking enough in itself, what is even more staggering about this is that those who had a negative view of vegetarians often expected that veggies would view them negatively.
Psychology Today explained: “Because doing well (or doing good) can mean facing negative social reactions, people are sometimes reluctant to share their accomplishments or highlight their strengths, and might even “play dumb” to avoid making others feel threatened or uncomfortable.
“While some degree of modesty may be socially appropriate, chronic self-deprecation can be personally costly, especially when it leads to self-defeating behaviours such as intentional failure.”
Awkward.
How to stop worrying about being judged
Ultimately, while these people can be very jarring, it appears that the problem lies within us, not them.
PsychCentral recommends that instead of fighting these potential judgements, you accept that they may happen.
The psychology experts said: “There’s no use in trying to avoid any and all judgment – it’s simply impossible. For better or worse, assessing other people is a natural part of social interaction.
“So, prepare yourself ahead of time for people to have their opinions.
“A simple mental reminder that others will have perceptions of you – even some that may be inaccurate – can help you let incoming critiques roll off your back.”
Let yourself be a little snarky sometimes, too.
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