My Child Is Nonbinary – I’m Terrified Of What Trump’s Plan For Schools Could Mean For Them

When my 10-year-old nonbinary child began kindergarten at our local public school in 2019, my husband and I worried about how they would be received by teachers and classmates.

We live in a progressive neighbourhood, at least on the outside. Walking past the historic brownstones on the way to school, we might see rainbow flags and posters with the words, “It’s the Guns!”.

And yet, when we approached our child’s teacher and principal before the start of their kindergarten school year, we were told they were the first nonbinary child at the school.

Thankfully, their teacher and school administrators were supportive of our child’s gender identity. Their teacher offered to read the books we provided to the school because they didn’t have any at the time. They also agreed to share them with the other teachers.

One afternoon, when I arrived at pickup, their teacher stopped me at the door. “I wanted to tell you how great it went today when I introduced one of the books you gave us at story time,” she said.

She told me how she had read aloud the pages of the illustrated picture book, “Who Are You: A Child’s Guide to Gender Identity.” 

“The kids seemed to just get it,” she added.

A few months into the school year, I asked my child how they felt at school if someone referred to them as a boy or a girl.

“Oh, I don’t have to say anything,” they told me. “My friends just tell them.” My child not only felt seen, they felt protected and loved among their peers. It was a great comfort to know we had people (of all ages) in our child’s corner.

Now, more than ever before, I feel like we were one of the lucky ones. During those incredibly formative elementary school years, we were living under a much different landscape of tolerance for trans and nonbinary youth.

The progress and acceptance that have marked my child’s school experience are now at risk of disappearing.

On his first day in office, President Donald Trump signed an executive action stating that the U.S. government will now recognise only two sexes, male and female.

This was soon followed by an executive order that, among other actions, directs federal agencies and programs to significantly limit access to gender-affirming care for trans and nonbinary youth under the age of 19.

As of Feb 15, the order has been temporarily blocked by two federal judges, but some U.S. health care providers have preemptively stopped offering treatment for young trans patients. 

In addition, Trump issued an order specifically for America’s public schools. The executive order, titled “Ending Radical Indoctrination in K-12 Schooling,” attempts to uproot “gender ideology,” which Trump defines as the idea that “there is a vast spectrum of genders that are disconnected from one’s sex”.

The order could keep schools that affirm and support students’ trans and nonbinary gender identities (for example, by allowing trans kids to participate in school sports) from receiving federal funding — which is especially essential for those in underserved or poor communities.

I’m struggling to see what exactly is “radical” about public school education as it stands.

There is currently no prescribed curriculum to teach gender diversity in U.S. public schools. In New York, schools are required to provide HIV/AIDS instruction, but sex education (including on gender identity) is left for individual school districts to decide.

In the past, advocates have attempted to pass progressive sex education legislation, but this was brought to an abrupt halt in early 2020 in order to prioritise pandemic relief efforts.

The New York City Department of Education currently operates under a set of best practices for supporting transgender and nonbinary students, titled “Guidelines to Support Transgender and Gender Expansive Students.”

These guidelines include directing school staff to use gender-neutral language in all school communications and to provide access to restrooms consistent with a child’s gender identity. But the “curriculum” section of the guidelines is just 180 words and is vague at best. 

And now, what little support exists for trans and nonbinary kids in America’s schools is at risk of being thrown out altogether or becoming grounds for federal retaliation.

If federal agencies move forward with implementing Trump’s orders to “file appropriate actions against K-12 teachers and school officials who violate the law,” merely using the term “nonbinary” to describe a minor could be grounds for legal action. 

While I’m grateful our child came out at school at a time when doing so was not as dangerous as it is under this new administration, I fear school will become an unwelcoming environment for my child and other students like them.

Studies showthat affirmation of one’s gender identity by others has major implications for mental health among trans youth. According to the Trevor Project, 42% of LGBTQ+ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth. Affirming environments — such as supportive schools and communities — can reduce suicide risk by up to 50%.

Recently, our school distributed a letter from our superintendent and members of our district’s school community, reinforcing the district’s commitment to “fostering an inclusive, equitable, and supportive environment for all students”.

In the letter, the district states they will continue to follow the “Guidelines to Support Transgender and Gender Expansive Students” and to offer resources to make students feel affirmed and recognised, such as the “Hidden Voices” curriculum (which celebrates the contributions of LGBTQ+ and other marginalized individuals).

I am heartened by messages like this and hope our community remains steadfast in resisting efforts to limit what schools can teach.

For now, I’ve been protecting both of my children from the horrors of the news within reason. I try to summarise what’s going on because I don’t want them to live in the dark.

When they have specific questions, I answer them clearly and simply, careful not to overexplain or make them feel overwhelmed or unprotected. But both my kids are painfully aware of how much intolerance can truly live in some people’s hearts.

I’m doing what I can to stay ahead of things, like joining private groups on encrypted platforms with other parents like me. My child is not yet at a stage in development where we might consider puberty blockers, but I’m listening closely to what families with kids who have been receiving gender-affirming care are going through right now and taking detailed notes and screenshots on backup methods of obtaining these prescriptions.

Parents like us are even trading ideas about where to move abroad. As the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors who fled their country because of persecution, it is impossible for me not to feel echoes of the past in the attempted limitations planned for trans and nonbinary Americans. 

For the parents of trans and nonbinary kids, it feels like the world is crashing down around us, and too few are fighting with us or on our behalf. Sadly, among my parent friends, this topic rarely comes up in conversation.

Recently, a friend texted me to ask if friends and family members have been checking in with us to see how we are doing in the face of so much hate directed at families like ours. I hadn’t thought about it until they asked, but my heart sank when I tallied the numbers and typed back: “Only two people.”

We cannot be complacent about the many ways Trump is attacking our children, and especially LGBTQ+ kids. Parents, caregivers and allies need to know just how much is at stake should these actions turn into law. Restricting civil rights is everyone’s problem. Today, the target is trans kids and adults, among other marginalised groups. Tomorrow, who knows?

We need those who are concerned to reach out to the trans and nonbinary people in your community, to advocate for us in school board meetings, and to contact local representatives. I don’t have all the answers, but I know that I — and others like me — cannot do this alone.

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