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As awkward as it may feel, there comes a time when every parent must have “the talk” with their children. But those early efforts to explain where babies come from don’t always go as planned.
Fortunately, you can always laugh about it! Below, we’ve rounded up 31 hilarious tweets about trying to have the sex talk with your kids.
Me: Time to talk about the birds and the bees
Son: I'd rather get poop on my head
Daughter: I'd rather get stung a million times
Me: wait, you know it's not really about… *kids run away*
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 5, 2020
Impromptu birds & bees talk ended with my son comparing testicles to Transformers, so I guess that went well.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) July 11, 2015
"It's like a horsey ride for grown ups!"
– Me, failing at giving a talk about the birds and the bees
— Kelkulus (@kelkulus) July 5, 2012
Parenting Pro Tip: when giving your kids the sex talk, visual aids and demonstrations are NOT as helpful as it may seem
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 11, 2020
My 6 year old asked where babies came from.
I told him the truth.
While I was sitting and basking in my pride at being an Honest Mom, he just stared before saying: “I wasn’t expecting that. That was inappropriate.”
Then: “DID THE DOCTORS WATCH YOU DO IT”
I shoulda lied.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) September 18, 2020
Talking with my boys about things like sex and consent and where babies from is of the utmost importance. It's a responsibility I take seriously. But it's tough not to crack a smile when your son can't stop pronouncing it "Ba-CHINA."
— Tired. Dad. Writer. (@DaddyFiles) January 10, 2020
My 8 year old said verbatim, "well first we were in dads nuts. Then in moms egg. Now we're us."
Sex talk stuck like fucking glue, people.
— Courtney (@Discourt) July 28, 2012
My 6 yo: where do babies come from?
Me: vaginas
6: I hate being human
— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) October 10, 2020
Had the sex talk with my daughter and used the term “heavy petting.” She hasn’t spoken to me since then.
It was 12 years ago.
— Babe Truth (@UnFitz) July 26, 2018
[After my wife explains to our kids where babies come from]
ME: That’s wild.
WIFE: …You knew this.
ME: I know but you get used to it… When you actually think about it again it’s absolutely insane.
— The Dad (@thedad) March 14, 2020
my 4yo: mommy, did you eat me and 6yo and that's how we got in your tummy?
me: yes. yes i did
it's such a relief to have the sex talk out of the way already
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 23, 2021
We had to have the sex talk with 10 today.
So obviously I'll be avoiding eye contact with him the rest of the day.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 21, 2019
Using toys to explain the birds & the bees to your kids seems clever unless the toys are Transformers because the logistics get complicated.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 13, 2016
If you want your kids to leave you alone, just start giving them the sex talk.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) October 13, 2012
My son just asked if girls were born with pierced ears, so I guess my birds & bees talk wasn't as comprehensive as I thought.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 9, 2016
My 6yo recently asked how babies get inside a mommy’s tummy, and since I was not quite prepared to have this talk at his age, I told him babies come from seeds. Now both of my kids are convinced that I ate two baby seeds.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) August 20, 2021
I always thought having a toddler was the hardest part of parenting and then I had the sex talk with my teen.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) July 29, 2019
Restaurant for Mother's Day breakfast:
4: what should I sing about?
MIL: Babies
4: 🎶Babies! Babies! They come from–
Me: *frantically waving* nonono–
4: 🎶 They come from vaginas
H: you really shouldn't have
4: 🎶 Vaginas VAGINAS Babies come from VAGINAAAS OOOoooOo 🎶
— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) May 12, 2019
2:17am
Me: It’s time to have “the talk”
12: [snoring]
Me: Yes! Now it’s her turn again!— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) June 2, 2021
Wife told me to have the sex talk with our son but she gave me a list of words I can't use so now I'm just sitting in a room staring at him.
— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) March 1, 2016
Dad: It's like your mom and I. When a bird and a bee really love each other..
Son: they have a baby?
D: they can't together, so they adopt.— RaspberryheART (@Jenny4ashley) September 15, 2014
Just gave a more detailed birds and bees talk to our boys. With pictures of STDs. They won’t look me in the eyes anymore. Sorry kids, you’ll thank me some day.
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) January 10, 2019
Me *giving son the birds and bees talk*
Son: Do we have to do this now?
Barber, looking up from cutting son's hair: And is that even accurate?
— The Dad (@thedad) November 28, 2021
[the talk]-
me: ok so there’s birds and bees, spiders and snakes. you see one you fuckin run
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 4, 2019
Me: Ok son that was the sex talk, what did you think?
Son: When did you learn interpretative dance?— The Dad (@thedad) June 19, 2019
WIFE: I want you to teach the kids about the birds and the bees
ME: got it
[later]
ME: listen up kids, birds are stupid and bees are mean— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) April 27, 2017
Oh gosh. Movie turned into a sex talk because of a certain scene. Her: “Gross.” Me: “I agree.” TALK HANDLED. 💪
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) November 4, 2018
my kid and I had an awkward sex talk last night. he doesn’t know what it is either
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) January 18, 2020
Me: ok kids. let’s talk about the birds and the bees. they’re dicks. birds will shit on you. bees will sting you. Son what does that mean?
Son: don’t be a dick?
Me: nailed it, Daughter?
Daughter: stay away from dicks.
Me: [confidently sips from World’s Greatest Dad mug]
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) June 1, 2018
Just had “the talk” with my youngest son and I got some pretty good pointers.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 30, 2021
Of course I'll talk to my kid about sex eventually, but first I'm giving them a Tamagotchi. If that thing doesn't scare you away from the responsibility of raising a child, nothing will.
— The Dad (@thedad) July 10, 2020
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