This week’s tragic review is going to be like watching Jack and Rose fall in love in the film Titanic, because, as anyone up to date with the latest news on Different Gravy will already be aware, there will be no surprise happy ending here.
Last week I took my mother Yvonne to visit Different Gravy, situated in the Mad Giant Food Hall within the Animate complex in Preston City Centre.
It’s been open for less than three months but, also like the Titanic when that was all new and floaty, everyone has been losing their marbles about how amazing it is. It sounded too good to be true for a Northerner and I was beyond excited to be reviewing it. Gravy? To dunk sandwiches into, in public, without being told off? Different types to choose from? Preston had finally made it: We were the best city in the world.
Read more: Butter pies, gravy and jacket potatoes as Preston gets the Only Scrans treatment
The menu wasn’t huge but I still wavered before making my final decision. I was tempted by the roast potatoes but apparently they’re only on the QR menu and don’t exist in the real world. I found that out from the friendly man behind the counter who took my order when the QR ordering system wouldn’t cooperate with me because I’m old and it could smell my fear. I had hash browns instead. They were very nice as far as hash browns go, but once you’ve got worked up about a roast potato nothing else is going to cut it no matter how good. Like going to watch Paul McCartney and finding out he’s got a dickie tummy but Ringo Starr has agreed to fill in.
I ordered a Beef Frenchie for £12 – braised beef, Swiss cheese, caramelised onions, horseradish aioli and crispy onions on a demi baguette. And to dunk it into for £3.35, Split The G gravy, described as “big on beef, bold on flavour. Finished with a boozy kick. The one you’ll want to drown everything in.”
That’s a bit of an exaggeration as there are absolutely no animals I’d do that to, and most people I know would also be safe.
The bread had enough crunch to the crust without making eating it into a fight to the death, and the beef inside was tender with a slight crisp to the onions and an added salty, gooey, chewiness from the Swiss cheese. I couldn’t single out the taste of the horseradish aioli but, nevertheless, each bite was delicious. The gravy was runny enough to soak into the bread, with a strong, beefy, almost metallic edge to it. I didn’t love it, so ended up enjoying the sandwich on its own as the meat was juicy enough without it. That could be the drowning gravy.
I ordered The Bourdain for £8 – a tribute to the late chef, Anthony Bourdain, this featured fried mortadella, Swiss cheese, mustard and mayo on toasted sourdough.
That, too, was a triumph of a sandwich, made using some excellent bread. The cheese was the same as in the Beef Frenchie, the mustard was easily clocked and combined with the mortadella to give it a bit of a hot-doggy flavour, but don’t let anyone Italian know I said that. Probably best not let them know that one of their charcuterie meats was then dunked in a tub of chicken gravy either. Or, if you’re going off the menu, “Winner, Winner, £3: Golden, chicken rich and unapologetically bold. Sharp, thick and made for dunking – your colonel could never.”
I don’t know exactly what that means, but this gravy tastes like KFC gravy smells, whilst KFC gravy tastes like a cardboard box smells, so Different Gravy’s Winner Winner gravy is exactly that. There is to be no drowning in the chicken gravy.
I also ordered a portion of deep fried macaroni cheese balls for £5 just to be filthy. They were the cheesiest things ever and I’d do it again. Or I won’t, as it turns out. Though I’d have liked some ketchup or something to go with them, I couldn’t find any.
I got home and rang The Scouser to tell him about the exciting gravy, and that they have chicken strips on the menu, because one more chicken place to add to the list of favourite chicken eateries (Argento Lounge and All Hopes No Promises) was always worthy of celebration, and then the next day found out that Different Gravy have announced that they are closing and will be leaving Preston to set up in Manchester.
That’s when I realised: Different Gravy wasn’t the Titanic, it was Rose. I was the hot but simple muggins of the story, Jack Dawson. A happy, gravy-filled future was the floating door that Rose clambered on to after the Titanic had sunk. (I’m not sure who the iceberg was… probably my parents.) Different Gravy got me to fall in love with it and then yeeted me off that massive door to sink into the icy, gravyless depths with the rest of the shocked Prestonians who had also gotten giddy about their sandwiches. Then it turned straight round to paddle off to Manchester to start a new life without us. Bye bye Karen! Bye bye Preston! Enjoy your KFC cardboard box gravy, losers! Pffffffft!
Now all I have left to tell Rose/Different Gravy is this: Preston loved your food, good luck in your new place, we hope you open up another branch here soon, and if you feel like throwing out some priceless jewellery at any point, don’t just plop it in the sea like a posh wrong-un: give it to a charity!
Also, we’ve still got All Hopes No Promises and their gravy is blinding, so we’ll be fine.
Read more: All of Karen’s reviews
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